


You have nothing to be sorry for

by harryisqueen



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Assault, Tw for referenced past sexual abuse/assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 10:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryisqueen/pseuds/harryisqueen
Summary: “I don’t know what happened with your ex but I do know that whatever happened wasn’t your fault. I don’t know you but I do know that it’s never the victim's fault.”Isak felt as if Even’s eyes were burning into his.Isak looked down biting his lip.“Do you understand me Isak? Nothing that has happened to you was your fault.” Even repeated.





	You have nothing to be sorry for

Isak was kissing a beautiful man fervently.

In fact, one of the most beautiful men ever.

Which was a conclusion Isak had made just a few short minutes after meeting this man.

Even.

Even was his name.

He had also concluded that his name was just as beautiful as he was.

Isak reached up running his fingers through Even’s thick blonde quaff.

Even’s hands were wandering Isak’s body till settling on his side.

He rubbed a few times as they continued to kiss.

Isak tried to ignore the painful memories behind big hands on his side. He tried to push away the feeling of panic every time he was touched.

But he just couldn’t swallow it down.

Isak’s body unintentionally went into panic mode.

Vicious memories flashed behind his closed lids and his immediate reaction was to shove Even off him.

Right now he didn’t want anyone near or on him.

All he could think about was Michaels dirty hands as he held him down forcing him to do things Isak was not ready for.

All he could think about was Michaels big hands travelling the length of Isak’s body greedily trying to take what he wanted then leave.

Upon opening his eyes Even looked panicked.

His face might have been amusing if Isak wasn’t in full-on panic mode. He then shoved past Even and forced his way out of the club.

Once he was outside in the fresh air he felt as if he could finally breathe.

He clenched his eyes shut and sat down on the ground and began doing his breathing exercises his therapist had given him.

Even’s hands-on him just reminded him too much of Michael.

Far too much of Michael for him to be comfortable.

Once Isak had calmed himself down he felt silly.

He had finally met a man who he actually had an interest pursing and had screwed it up by freaking out.

Even probably thought he was a psycho now.

There was nothing Isak wanted more than to just scream out the truth & explain why he had just run out on Even.

This had happened before.

More times than Isak cared to admit.

It was embarrassing how much what Michael had done still affected him.

He couldn’t try to get to know someone.

Isak let out an annoyed sigh then put his face in his hands and screamed frustrated tears leaking from his eyes.

“Hey sorry to interrupt but are you alright.”

Isak’s head jerked up to look where the voice had come from and to his utter embarrassment there stood Even.

Isak wiped furiously at his eyes in a weak attempt to rid his face of tears.

“Um yeah I’m fine it was just uh pretty hot in there and I needed to get outside to get some fresh air.”

Isak watched on in confusion as Even made his way over to sit beside Isak against the side of the club.

He sat down next to Isak.

Isak pulled his knees up to his chest self-consciously careful not to touch Even.

The last thing he needed right now was another anxiety attack.

There was silence for a few short moments before Even broke it.

“Listen Isak I don’t know you and I’m not going to pretend to know you but I do know that I’m sorry if I overstepped a line and if I did I really am sorry.”

The look on Even’s face almost made Isak want to cry.

All Even had done was something most people were okay with and he was apologizing for it because he was scared he might have hurt Isak.

Isak couldn’t help but feel stupid.

Why couldn’t he just enjoy things like that without freaking out?

A small voice in the back of his head screamed: “Because of Michael.”

“It’s okay. I overreacted.” Isak mumbled.

“Well if you’re down to maybe hang we could go back to my place and smoke?”

Isak’s eyebrows raised at Even’s request.

Isak had made out with this dude, freaked out on this dude and left him and now he wanted Isak to come over to smoke?

Damn, this dude was way too nice & despite Isak’s better judgement, he agreed.

That annoying voice in his head was reminding him it could never work.

He was too damaged from Michael but right now all he cared about was being around the man who truly seemed to be one of a kind.

That’s how Isak found himself an hour later high as balls with Even.

The two had gone to Even’s place and quickly kicked off their shoes then laid down in Even’s bed and had been smoking for the past hour talking about absolute nonsense.

“Are you hungry?” Even questioned.

“I could eat,” Isak responded.

Even then stood up and made his way through the small apartment towards the kitchen area with Isak following in tow.

Even made them both peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and oh lord were they divine.

Isak was 100% sure it was the weed controlling his thoughts but this was the best damn peanut butter and jelly he’d ever had.

“How in the name of god do you make sandwiches so well.” Isak groaned in pleasure around a bite.

Even had a soft smile on his face as he reached forward to wipe the peanut butter off Isak’s cheek.

Isak felt his whole body heat up at the gesture.

“C’ mere and I’ll tell you.” Even answered.

Isak leaned in closer eager to hear the secret recipe to the delicious food.

“I’m not telling.” Even said.

Isak pulled back with offence written all over his face while Even looked much too smug about something so trivial.

“You dick. I just wanna know how to make the world’s best pb&j.” Isak whined.

“You’ll be okay.” Even said with a laugh.

Isak had noticed that when he laughed it appeared as if his whole face was laughing and not just his mouth.

How could one person radiate so much happiness and kindness?

“Hey, Isak can I ask you something? You don’t have to tell me I was just wondering.” Even said.

Isak swallowed the large bite he had just taken then nodded his head.

“Why did you run off when I touched you? I understand it might have been overstepping by touching you like that but I just want to make sure I’m not reading you wrong because it seems like we might have had something back at the club but then you pulled away and ran off and I didn’t know what to what wrong.”

Well, shit now he was sober.

No one had bothered to ask why.

Not even his friends thought to ask why suddenly he was flinching at small noises and didn’t want anyone touching him without warning especially on the side.

Yet here this man was asking him after one interaction.

The weight of the thought ached in his stomach painfully.

Isak contemplated what to say he wasn’t sure whether lying or being honest was the best route.

He had never told anyone since he was too ashamed to admit what had been done to him by someone he had trusted with his entire being.

“My ex had just done things that made me uncomfortable with certain things.”

Honesty it is.

Even’s face was so easy to read.

He felt sorry for Isak.

“But um ya know I’m over it now.” Isak quickly added.

He didn’t want to scare this guy off.

He seemed like a genuinely great guy.

Even looked as if he didn’t believe him.

He seemed to be able to see straight through him.

That terrified Isak.

“Listen you don’t have to tell me your whole life story I was just curious.” Even said

Something about Even’s statement ignited a challenge in Isak’s brain. He couldn’t in point why but it made him want to challenge Even.

How the hell could one dude be so damn accepting and just perfect?

“Maybe I want to tell you my life story.” Isak shot back.

“That would be okay too.”

Isak’s eyebrows furrowed.

Damn.

He really couldn’t get Even to slip up.

This dude was just too nice.

“My ex forced himself on me a few times.” Isak blurted out.

As soon as he said it he regretted it.

Even looked shocked.

Well, he finally took him by surprise.

Isak then scrambled to get up.

This was 100% over.

He quickly shoved his feet into his shoes then was out the door.

He didn’t get far before an arm was wrapping itself around his middle. He let out a startled cry as he was pulled up against who he assumed was Even.

“Yeah, you’re not running off again.” Even laughed.

Isak huffed.

He had made his own bed.

Whelp time to lay in it.

Even grabbed Isak’s hand gently then pulled him back into his apartment.

Even seated Isak back on their previous spot on the floor soon after taking a seat on the floor across from Isak.

“You don’t have to tell me anything Isak what you tell me is on your terms but please just don't run off again.” Even said.

Isak once again felt embarrassed.

Why had he run off again?

He can’t just run off when something he doesn’t like happens or if he says something stupid.

“I’m sorry,” Isak said.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” There was a brief pause before he continued. “Well you should be sorry for running off twice but that’s a different apology.” Even said with a wink.

Isak cleared his throat.

“I am sorry about that. It’s immature to run off like that.” Isak said.

Even’s face split into a grin.

“There’s the apology I was searching for.”

Without even thinking about it Isak leaned forward and placed a short kiss on Even’s mouth.

He had literally just met this guy but somehow he felt more connected to him than he had ever felt with anyone else.

After pulling away Even leaned in just a few moments later and gave Isak a more extended kiss.

Isak couldn’t help the smile that pulled its way onto his mouth as he kissed Even.

A few minutes later the two pulled away.

Even had a twinkle in his eye that Isak hoped hinted towards him enjoying the kiss as Isak had.

“That was nice,” Isak said trailing off.

“It was.”

Even reached forward cupping Isak’s face.

His hands were nothing like Michaels.

They were large like Michaels but not nearly as rough and demanding.

“I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through.” Even suddenly spoke up.

“It’s fine. I could’ve left sooner but I didn’t.”

Isak had never admitted that out loud.

But some part of him felt as if he had just left Michael earlier he would have never had the chance to have his innocence stolen from him over and over again.

“Your ex sounded like a pretty crappy person. I doubt you could have left even if you wanted to.” Even said.

“I might not have been able to but I could have at least tried.”

Isak looked down ashamed to feel tears building in his eyes.

Why did he always have to cry?

The memories were not that fresh but still somehow haunted him.

Isak felt Even’s hands reach out to brush the few tears that had managed to fall then his fingers grasped Isak’s chin gently pulling it upwards to look at him.

“Can I tell you something?”

Isak simply nodded his head.

Even gently held Isak's face in place so that they could maintain eye contact.

“I don’t know what happened with your ex but I do know that whatever happened wasn’t your fault. I don’t know you but I do know that it’s never the victim's fault.”

Isak felt as if Even’s eyes were burning into his.

Isak looked down biting his lip.

“Do you understand me Isak? Nothing that has happened to you was your fault.” Even repeated.

Isak nodded his head.

He couldn’t help being overcome with emotion.

This guy was far too kind. He didn’t understand how one person could be so understanding.

They were interrupted by Isak’s phone buzzing in his pocket and he checked it to see it was just a twitter notification however whilst checking his phone he saw the time.

How the hell was it already 2:30 am?

Isak really didn’t want to leave.

Even was so kind and inviting.

He, however, was logical and not totally lovesick for the stranger (yet).

Isak was contemplating how he would say he had to go home without sounded rude but Even spoke as if he had read Isak’s mind.

“You don’t have to go home. It’s late and it probably isn’t safe for you to walk home on your own.”

“Um sure,” Isak said.

Nearly 30 minutes later the two of them were both lying in Even’s bed. Isak was laying so close to the edge of the bed he feared he might fall off at any moment.

He didn’t want to push anything with Even.

They had just met and no matter how deep their conversation may have gotten he didn’t want to push any boundaries.

Besides, since Michael, he wasn’t the biggest fan of cuddling.

He was slightly startled though when he felt long arms wrap themselves around his waist and pull him to his chest.

“Is this okay? I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He heard Even’s deep voice practically directly in his ear.

Isak swallowed.

This felt nothing like it had with Michael.

Michael would hold him so tight he felt as if he was being strangled even if his arms were loose around Isak.

He never felt safe with Michael.

He had never really felt safe in general.

He never had a safe place to land.

Finally, Isak spoke up.

“Yes. This is fine.”

With that Isak pushed himself slightly closer to Even and closed his eyes.

Pushing himself was good.

He wouldn't allow Michael to control his every thought & move anymore.

Isak wanted to enjoy life and relationships without heavy thoughts of Michael everywhere he turned.

If he didn’t manage to screw this up Even might just be his safe person.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction I've written for the skam fandom. To tell y'all the truth I wrote this fic back in March after I had binged all 4 seasons in a week but for some reason, I've been PETRIFIED to post it. Posting for the first time in a fandom is always scary but for some reason, I feel out of my element/place posting this and I'm not sure why I do. I've literally never felt this way posting for Sanders sides, Riverdale or Stranger things :P. 
> 
> Anywhooooo despite my strong anxieties, I'm FINALLY posting this fic after 4 months of letting it sit in my finished works folder on my computer lmaoooo
> 
> [Follow me on tumblr!](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)


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